Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Get thee to a nunnery!

'Ophelias story' photo (c) 2007, L. Whittaker - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/ It's been a rough few weeks in the Zoid house.  Well, rough for me, which means it's been rough for all.  Ha.  Almost 3 weeks ago now I had the Mirena coil fitted, an IUD (Inter Uterine Device)  with a really pretty name that promises to cure me of all my ills and provide a most excellent form of birth control. Awesome!

Except it hasn't been.  

The doctor gave me his spiel on what could go wrong, but reassured me that it only happens to 1 in x amount of women (x amount being a lot).  Good odds, he was sure I'd agree.  Well I know all about good odds and long odds, and guess what, I always hit them! Smash them out of the park!  Not in useful occurrences like lottery wins, oh no.  But in less welcome matters of the female reproductive system and random little afflictions.

Hyperemesis - 1% of pregnancies. Check!
Premature birth - 1 in 10 babies, that'll be mine!
Chemical pregnancies - 1 in 4.  Beat those odds too.

So rather than be assured, I smiled the monkey trapped in a wind-tunnel smile of the terrified and shuddered (legs crossed) at the long odds of anything going wrong speech.

Mirena coil insertion is... well, I'm not going to lie. It's not pleasant.  Not that anything involving naked bottom parts, clamps and latex gloves ever is.  Not unless you're a wee bit *cough* alternative in your tastes.  But lorrrrrd above, does it hurt! I remained silent though (sign me up, Scientology!) and was consequently congratulated.  "Didn't you do well? You never made a fuss." Nope, silent in the face of pain, that's me.  I mean, I could again link to my birth story here but I'll resist the urge, for once.  We women and our sharing of labour stories eh...:)

Skip forward a couple of hours and ohhhhh the cramps.  Nay, they were not so much cramps. They were... contractions.  Two weeks of them.  I'm going into labour and I'm going to shoot this little object out, and probably in public too.  Or perhaps not. I have stayed in mainly, feeling sorry for myself.  A little bit like the tom cat who keeps giving off wounded "whhyyyyyyyyy?" looks after you bring home from the vets minus some of his anatomy.  Wonderfully, I had managed to injure my knee at roughly the same time, so two reasons to limp! It's been fun to be me.

So the doctor said that my body does indeed view the foreign body in my womb, or cervix, or wherever the hell it is *googles* and wants to spit it out.  INTRUUUUUDER!!!! Beeeep beeeep beeep. FIRE!  That's what I imagine is going on (kind of feels it too).  Me and my blinking inhospitable body.  Can't take the pill or have the pill jab, get sensitive to other *ahem* aids to not get pregnant, don't do well in pregnancy.  However, at the time of writing Ms Mirena is still digging in her pointy stiletto - a good thing.  Painful, but good. Go Mirena!

But I have to ask: Is God (the one that I don't believe in) trying to tell me something?  As a teenager I did seriously consider running off to join a Buddhist nunnery.  Rough though the ride was, the fact that Babyzoid is here means I made the right decision to not shave my hair and go bell-ringing in the Himalayas, but still.  It would be nice to catch a break. And have strong words with whoever it is that keeps plucking my ticket out of that bloody long odds bin.  


10 comments:

  1. A good friend of mine had the same problems and ended up having hers removed. She went through a rough time there for a while so it made a big difference to her once it was removed. Glad you are able to see a funny side and hope all gets better, in whatever way that might be ;-). xx

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    1. Yeah there's always a funny side. Gallows humour? Gotta love it :D Hoping it settles down. Hasn't as yet! *sigh* xx

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  2. Oh how I feel your woes!

    I have awful periods, always have. Took 8 years from them starting to getting the diagnosis of Endometriosis and in that time (and since) we have tried everything. Can't take the combined pill as it raises my blood pressure. Can't take mini pill as I have mini periods every week and end up anaemic. For me it's not just about the contraception but controlling the Endo, and we've tried some horrific medications all with awful side effects.

    The Mirena was the only one that worked anywhere close to good. But I had 3 long months of immense cramping and heavy bleeding, a couple more of less intense cramping and bleeding and then an absolutely blessed 2 years with nothing. Then of course the symptoms began again, but that was the Endo's fault, not the Mirena's.

    I always thought the cramping and bleeding was due to me having the Mirena fitted straight after surgery but I guess maybe it just does affect some women that way? Needless to say, we opted for the Depo instead of the Mirena while Oscar was little as there was no way I was risking months of pain again. It's not perfect, but it's better than nothing.

    Do you think we'll ever find a form of contraception that doesn't cause awful side effects for people like us?

    I do hope that your cramping etc settles down soon and you get some relief, I really do!! x

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    1. Hi Amanda,

      Thanks for commenting and very sorry for the delayed response. Another fellow sufferee! I don't think I have Endometriosis (I have been tested)but I know the trouble that can bring.

      I'm hoping the Mirena settles the symptoms that caused me to get it, but it's been over 3 weeks now and I'm getting more than a little impatient with the pain! Thanks though, I'm still hopeful this will be the solution - but you're right, for women like us there often seems to be no hope. Grrrrr! xx

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  3. Oh you poor thing wanted to send hugs and hope it is sorted soon xx

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  4. Oh I hated the coil so much! I was prescribed it as I was hemorrhaging continuously - the alternative was a hysterectomy, which could have meant losing my kids, so I felt I didn't have a choice, but eventually the side effects got so bad that I had to have it taken out. I have to say I used one of those safe time of the month monitors for a number of years when I couldn't use anything else for contraception, it was called a Persona I think and it worked fine xx

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    1. I might have to look into that, C! Never know with me though, I am all over the place!!! Hence accidental conceptions that just cause me more problems. Bah! I'm over wanting a number 2 now, I think. But a hysterectomy is still so final. We'll see how this blinking coil goes! :) xx

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  5. When I say I feel your pain I reaaaaally mean it! I have experience of the marina cool and yes it was savage, like full on labour pains! Worse actually, seeing as how I had an epidural at 4cm dialated.
    The other thing I noticed with this evil piece was ridiculously heavy periods. *sigh*
    Hope things settle down soon xx

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    1. Ah thanks! It really is THAT bad! The heaviness and the PAIIIIIIIIN. Labour pain is EXACTLY it! It's still not settled down. 3 weeks and counting *sob*
      But I'm persevering, Leanna, I am!!!!! xx

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