Cognitive Behaviour Therapy: Changing your thought processes

When I first went of work with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and associated symptoms, namely depression and anxiety, it became obvious that I was going to have to take a course of anti-depressants to 'recalibrate my brain chemistry'.  I was also referred by my doctor to a psychotherapist for a course of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.  This was to combat the PTSD induced flashbacks, nightmares and other symptoms of trauma with a brilliant therapist.  Initially skeptical  I credit this CBT to not only helping me to be 'okay' with the residual effects of the traumatic experience of Babyzoid's birth, but also to help rewire some of my particularly destructive thought processes.  I hadn't before even considered that the way I was thinking wasn't the way that everybody thought - I just assumed that other people coped better with the introspective negativity that I lived with.

As Jayne of Mum's the Word charmingly wrote in her post this morning A Matter of Perception kids have an amazing way of looking at the world.  Everything they see is filled with wonder and they view the mundane or ugly (to our eyes) with an innocent fascination.  Jayne has been trying to view things through the eyes of her daughter, which is to some extent similar to what I have been trying to do since I completed my course of therapy.  Is it possible to completely rewire ones thought processes?  To wipe those neural pathways and start again?  While I don't think it is ever possible to return to that virginal state of being, I do know that it is possible to stop yourself in your tracks and consider your reactions.  Why am I thinking like this?  What does it mean for me?  Okay, so I am unhappy about such and such, but does it really have to affect me in a negative way?  Can I simply acknowledge that I can't change something I don't like but still say "You know what, I am okay"?

It's not an easy thing to do and it will be a lifetime's work, but over time it becomes easier.  I could give the example of being irritated when strangers insist on drawing you into a conversation in public places.  I used to hate this and resent the intrusion.  Now I find myself happily chatting away to some old dear on a bench in town and not being offended when someone thinks Babyzoid is a boy, in spite of the long hair and pink buttons on her jeans.  Indeed, speaking to an elderly gentleman on a bench in town the other day I found out that his grandson had founded his own technology company and sold it to a huge well-known corporation which had made him a millionaire.  When I shared my hopes about one day working for myself he told me that he was sure I'd be a success because I had personality.  It made my day!  And to think that my past instinct would have been to smile politely then cut off the conversation at "aww, your little girl is a cutey".

I recently wrote a post about loving my town, and I have come to realise that one of the great things about where I live is the sense of community.  Looking at my town and seeing its strengths rather than it's weaknesses (clothes shops!) has been really quite liberating.  And rejoining the library's Wriggly Readers with Babyzoid and going for cake afterwards with the rest of the mum's after an invitation from my new fellow Bliss campaigner, Katherinen has been really good for me.  I've come to realise that I am an open, friendly and sociable person, I had just let a few bad experiences make me think otherwise.

Do you think it is possible to change your whole outlook on life?  Or do you think that if you force yourself to act against your instincts you will be deluding yourself?  I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

Silent Sunday

I have a guest post today on new childrens rights and wefare blog: Young not Dumb

Natasha Leahy of Young not Dumb

This week saw the launch of Young not Dumb, a blog written by Natasha Leahy, who many of you will know from the excellent The Life and Times of a Domestic Anarchist.  Her new blog is exclusively dedicated to children's rights and the welfare of children, with the premise that no one should be marginalised simply because they are young.  As a qualified teacher I wholeheartedly agree with this, and I look forward to reading with interest the issues that Natasha will tackle. 

Today though I have the honour of being Young not Dumb's first ever guest poster with my post Why I campaign for Bliss, the premature baby charity.  So please take a look and feel free to comment. 

Natasha has also written an excellent post on why we should all help the children who are suffering in the humanitarian crisis that is East Africa's drought - there is also a link and phone line to UNICEF so that you can give immediately and securely. 

These are CHILDREN who are suffering.  Given a different outcome in the lottery of birth, that could have been us or our children.  In the UK we are relatively wealthy, no matter how much we are struggling right now.  So surely we can all afford to donate a little?  And if you truly cannot afford to donate cash, then we all have unneeded items that could be given to Save the Children to support the fundraising efforts.  Indeed Stay at Home Mum and Loving It's recent blog post details how even damaged and worn clothes can be donated to certain branches of Save the Children as they then sell them on to rag traders.

But back to Young not Dumb, this new blog is a particularly benevolent and worthy project so please let's show Natasha our support by visiting and commenting.

Hotpants, baby!

Okay, so here are my buttocks lovingly ecased in my new Zaggora Hotpants.  I suppose my bum isn't so bad, but it's not the tight toned asset it used to be, the type that I used to quite proudly display in a figure hugging skirt to detract from the fact that my legs weren't so long, and that a mini-bum means I have no cleavage of note to stare at.

But my wedding day dawns, and I want my posterior to be in tip top condition as I slinkily sashay down the aisle, not that you'll see it shrouded in yards of shiny black satin, but if its a big wobbling blancmange of an arse that resembles an old cauliflour then that sashay will be a little less self assured.

Zaggora hotpants to the rescue!*

So, how do I find them?  Well, I was thankful to find that the 'small' size I'd asked for do fit, I was starting to worry as at the moment I feel far more comfortabe in a 10 than my usual 8, but I can get them zipped up without a struggle.  The hotpants have the rather nice benefit of flattening and streamlining your figure whether you wear them on their own or under other clothing.  I've frequently worn them underneath a maxi dress and no one would know - well, except for the tell-tale sound of "swish swoosh" as I walk that has seen me frequently taken the mickey out of by t'other half.  Yes, wear the hotpants and they will hear you coming - unless that is you are blessed with those skinny little thighs that don't meet in the middle, like I was but have not been since before pregnancy. 

The claim is that the hotpants will help you lose inches from your bum, tum and thighs, eradicating cellulite in the process.  So two weeks on has it made a difference?  I do believe so actually.  I have noticeably less cellulite than I did have and I feel tighter somehow.  I haven't worn them everywhere and I certainly haven't worn them in bed, but I have worn them every day and both my partner and I think they've had a positive impact on my bum, legs and thighs.  They haven't done anything for the little tum that I never used to have BB (Before Babyzoid), but I know what I reaaaally have to do if I want rid of the belly fat (EXERCISE!)

The hotpants work by making you sweat (niiice) and you do indeed find that you are somewhat 'glowing' when you peel them off, but you can tell they're doing good.  I've also felt the urge to exercise on occasion because I feel like I look all sporty when I put them on.  Don't worry, I've only given in to this strange compulsion once, but once is a start right? I'm determined to shift this excess fat if it kills me so I'm going to keep wearing my hotpants to see if I really can lose two dress sizes.  Actually, as I'm between an 8 and a 10 right now (big for me!), my usual small 8 is what I'm really aiming for.  I'll keep you informed of my progress!

If you want 10% off a pair please let me know in the comments and I will send you a voucher code.

*Disclosure: I received a free pair of hotpants from Zaggora to trial - though I assume they are not going to be asking for them back! :)

Big up Hinckley: Why I love my adoptive hometown

Hinckley has always been a bit rubbish in my opinion.  I've been here almost four years and its tiny market town charm, as referenced by Shakespeare in his play Henry IV part 2, had started to wear a little thin.  See, it's not the prettiest of market towns, not like Litchfield or Melton Mowbray, but it does have a street market 3 days a week in the middle of town - the town that is pretty much one street, or two at a push.  But most of the chain shops you'll find in even the smallest towns haven't bothered with Hinckley.  And you know what?  That's a great thing!  Because now, all of a sudden, lots of little specialist boutique shops and cafes have begun springing up.  Shops with genuine unique selling points that have the potential to succeed.  There is the new Sewing Cafe which sells gorgeous modern fabrics, including Amy Butler, and where you can pay to partake of refreshments while you socially sew by the hour:

stitch n bitch?!

Marmalade Meringue a just opened out of the ordinary independent family run gift shop that also sells the most beautiful cupcakes you've ever seen, as well as sandwiches and 'thirst quenchers'

The new totally modern bridal boutique, Liney's Brides, which has screens and prints of Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn around as glamorous and elegant inspiration and where I fell in love with my awesome black wedding dress!

The newly renovated Atkins Building, just next to the brand new Hinckley and Warwickshire college which houses the registry office where I will be getting married, as well as a lovely little art gallery complete with smart yet inexpensive cafe, and other local businesses.

Apparently Hinckley's local council has also just approved plans for redevelopment of the old bus station, which will include a cinema and (very) small shopping centre.  Yes, Hinckley is fast becoming a vibrant and exciting place to live, whilst still retaining that cute little market town vibe that saw it at the hub of Midlands trade and industry back in ye olde medieval times.
So is your town, city or village changing for the better or worse? 

What do you love about where you live?

Breakdown recovery/Time

Things seemed to be going so well. I had dealt with the traumas of a bad birth and my daughter's NICU stay and the worst of the PTSD was over; my partner and I had set a wedding date a mere four months away; and an independent Occupational Health doctor had fairly stated that I might be recovered enough to go back to work in September. Then I got cocky and cut out meds without consulting my doctor *STOOOOPID!*

These things take time...

You've been through a lot...

Anybody would have reacted the same...

Well I'm not anybody, and I am fighting it every step of the way. But sometimes it is hard and I need a little help. Sometimes I need to send out an SOS and get someone to come pick me up.

Picture credit: Malcolm Campbell, Creative Commons

I have just created a Favicon (the little picture that will be replacing the Blogger icon in the address bar hopefully!) atFavicon Generator and Gallery

Why don't you have a go!

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I'm simply trying to tart up my blog :D

Campaign victory for Bliss: A huge thank you!

David Tredinnick MP and I visit Leicester Royal's Neonatal Unit

A couple of days ago I wrote a post on how the Bliss campaign needs as many parents as possible to email their MP's outlining their concerns over neonatal care in the government's much publicised listening exercise. Several people contacted me to say that they did indeed do so, so I wanted to say a HUGE thank you to them because it has gotten great results!

A thank you also to the lovely Lincoln and Me and A Mum on a Mission for retweeting my blog link. Not only do they write excellent and entertaining blogs, but they are also a couple of the kindest, friendliest blogging mummies out there.

The government has made a commitment to clinical managed networks. The networks not only operate in regards to neonatal care, but also cancer and stroke patients, amongst others. The fact that the government has conceded that the networks will live on is a fantastic victory for all groups, campaigners and ordinary people who made their voices heard. The Bliss campaign of course was a part of that, and so we must congratulate ourselves and everyone who helped achieve this fantastic success. It just shows that people CAN change things, nothing is inevitable, and everything is worrth fighting for.

However, as with everything in the public sector at the moment, there is still much uncertainty. We do know that networks are to be hosted by the NHS Commissioning Board, however Bliss is calling for clarity about the timescale by which this will happen and for the funding of neonatal networks to be secured in the interim period. After all, it has come to our attention on a local and national level that some network trusts are possibly having financial struggles, which is a major concern for their efficient and safe running.

Therefore, if you haven't already, then please please do follow the link Action for Bliss to submit your concerns to the government. We are asking you to do this by Tuesday, 19th July. As always, it only takes a few short minutes as the concerns are pre-written for you, though you can of course make additions, should you have any specific concerns. It's YOUR voice, after all!

You can also sign up to receive the Bliss E-news letter to keep up to date with the campaign.

Once again, thank you so much!!!

Please help: 9 days to take action for vulnerable babies.

Parliament is about to break for the summer in 9 days time so I am asking everyone who hasn't already to please email their MP to help the Bliss campaign for the protection and improvement of care for sick and premature babies.

I have recently had lots of excellent local press coverage of my meetings and unit visit with Mr Tredinnick, MP but action needs to be taken on a national level, particularly with several hospital trusts across the country reportedly suffering serious financial funding problems.

So please take a moment of your time to fill in your details on this form. It will be sent to your MP and the email is drafted for you so it will not take long at all. Our MPs work for us and if enough of us raise our concerns on this issue they will have to listen. So whether you have had a newborn who has required neonatal treatment or are simply a parent who can empathise with just how traumatic it would be to see your baby sick and helpless, please click on the following link to submit your concerns.

Bliss online campaign form

Babyzoid and grommet: A day out at the hospital

Last weekend Babyzoid had her date at the Leicester Royal for her grommets and I had been been dreading it for months (good old NHS waiting lists). But as two assessments at the ear clinic had declared Babyzoid most definitely deaf as a post, it had to be done. My little girl, so bright in many ways, was falling behind in terms of her speech development. Mind, it hasn't stopped her defiantly responding with a "NYEOOO!" complete with giggle and waggle of the finger to rebukes such as:
"No! Don't put that fake coal in your mouth" (lovely 80s fireplace); and

"No! Don't throw your toy at Sophie's face!" Sophie being her Nana's daft as a brush little Westie.

Defiance. Pure and simple. Babyzoid knows full well what is required of her, but can't resist her demonic urges, my single-minded little darling. Sophie-dog actually loves Babyzoid for the few first minutes, but then the play gets a little rough and Sophie is reduced to cowering behind the parrot's cage for a little respite and  back-up. The parrot talks a good game you see and Sophie is a bit of a cowardy-custard, unless there's a pane of glass between her and the bird, cat or squirrel that she totally would have savaged otherwise.

Yes, the wily old African Grey is very good at delivering stinging zingers and indeed used to harass my OH out of bed when he was a teenager by shouting up the stairs "Paul! Get up Paul!" in OH's dad's voice. That is of course when he wasn't offering commentary on the videos of Shakespearean tragedies that always used to be playing, due to the house being full of teachers. "Oh dear, what a shame!" he has been known to utter, completely in context as King Duncan met his untimely death in Macbeth.

But I digress, back to Babyzoid and the hospital. It was a great day out at first as Babyzoid got to play in a room (ward) with lots of other children. It wasn't long before she had a little partner in crime by the name of Ahmed, who was supposed to be in the next bed. I say supposed to be as Babyzoid and Ahmed were tearing around having a great time while the other children, just that year or two older, stayed close to their mums and dads for fear of what was coming.



Not even hospitalisation can keep Babyzoid down.

Even getting changed into the hospital gowns didn't stop Babyzoid. Before I had managed to tie up the back she was charging off towards the corridor, bum four sheets to the wind. "Stop her! She's trying to stage a break out!" I hissed to her Dad, who was finding it all rather hilarious. Even when she had special cream put on her hands which then had to be bandaged, she didn't seem to realise 'hang on a minute, this is no ordinary play date' as she waved her bound fists around like a boxer getting ready for his fight.

But eventually the time came to go to the other room.....  All was going well as I sat Babyzoid on my knee in the theatre and read a story book with her wriggling to escape as usual, while the doctor and nurses prepped the bed and the gas. As Babyzoid had been in the NICU she didn't have any decent veins in her hand to inject the general anaesthetic into and so had to have the gas mask. Naturally there was a struggle, but after 20 seconds or so of fighting it I kissed my sleeping beauty on the head and placed her on the bed before going back to the ward to wait.

20 long minutes later and Babyzoid was carried in whimpering in the arms of a nurse. I felt all the protective motherly instincts come rushing over me stronger than I ever had before. It was immense and I thought I might burst as I cradled my little girl and whispered reassurances as I kissed her forehead and cheeks.

The nurse gave us a drink for the patient and some jammy dodger biscuits for when she was feeling a bit better. Knowing my daughter as I did I immediately unwrapped the biscuits and handed her one. As soon as I did, the 10 minutes of soft whimpering stopped as she gingerly started nibbling. I then laid her on the bed and got on with her as I unwrapped one of the lemon drizzle muffins I had baked the night before. Then like a baby cuckoo in the nest Babyzoid opened her mouth so wide I could see her tonsils as she polished off the whole lot. She was completely fine and wanted to escape the bed again and find her new friend Ahmed.  Unfortunately Ahmed taking slightly longer to recover as his mother obviously didn't have the magic cake, or perhaps Ahmed just isn't as much of a piggy as Babyzoid.

So have the grommets worked?  Well the signs are good.  In spite of the surgeon finding the beginnings of yet another ear infection, she barely complained and was back to her hyper self within a couple of days after a bit of ear-scratching and a bit of blood on the bedsheets.  Most of the time she is less stumbly in her walking (or running!) and she is starting to say more words back to us with a noticeable improvement in pronunciation.  She hasn't quite got the hang of "stinky" yet, but she knows the word amuses her and "yingyee" complete with adorable nose-wrinkle will do for the time being :)

Reasons to be cheerful: I'm getting married in November... Ding Dong the bells are goona chime!

This week I have to ignore the fact that I didn't go to Cybermummy as it sounds like it was amazeballs (was determined to use that strange bit of slang at some point in this post) and that fact that it doesn't look like I won the huge Euromillions jackpot again *sigh* but there is a HUUUUGE reason to be cheerful:

I'm getting married!!! There is a date set and so this November we shall be wed! I have the dress, now we have the date. Amazeballs! (hmmm, ridiculous exclamation irritating you yet?)

More reasons to be cheerful:

Instead of indulging myself with smoothies, massage quickies and collecting my body weight in goodie bags at Cybermummy 2011, I was at the hospital with Babyzoid while she had grommets. This might not seem like a very cheerful prospect but for me as a mother it was. Y'see many of you will know that Babyzoid was a 27 week prem who spent her first 11 weeks in hospital, but this time we were in hospital on my terms. I took her in; I got to play with her while we waited; I got to cradle and stroke her while they administered the gas; and I got to take her home again when she was ready. I've had this terror that at some point she would go into hospital again with some illness or prem related issue and she'd have to stay overnight and I'd have to leave her. That thought is unbearable to me, so it's a relief that her first time in hospital went really well and she didn't need admitting.

Next, I have designated my mother-in-law-to-be my co-wedding planner and she is getting, shall we say....enthusiastic! Do I mind? Not at all. I might have to rein her in (um, OH in a white tuxedo? Errrrr...) but it's great she wants to help and she in general got good taste, even if she is on the far side of eccentric sometimes. I'm very chilled about the whole wedding thing and do not feel like I need to be in control of all the minute details. Would I choose to have an embroidered cushion for the rings to sit on? Probably not... but I don't have any objections and if she wants to make one then I'm sure it will be lovely. Bridezilla is totally not my style - it's Zenzilla all the way...

And in wedding related news my sister, who lives in the Netherlands, is going to be coming home for it. It was slightly worrying being so short notice, but she's got the time off and will be there, thank goodness. A wedding without your best friend would be no good!

Now having just been over on Mich, Mummy From the Heart's site I see that there are some (Mich included) who are questioning why they blog, along with the whole rankings malarkey. I made the mistake of posting on the topic of ranking once as you open yourself up to all sorts of scrutiny: Well if you don't care about rankings, why do you list yourself?etc, and I've seen that in Mich's comments today, though most were overwhelmingly supportive I'm glad to say. I'm just genuinely relieved to be in the not caring camp, however, I'm not going to drop out of the Tots100 as I quite like the occasional PR contacts I get. I've got involved in two review campaigns now, yet have turned down or ignored others (if they are insulting!) in which I have no interest. All of these opportunities have come through being on the Tots100 database, so on it I will stay. However, I've been posting a lot less of late due to other things I've been doing (campaigning included) so my ranking is prone to falling, and you know, that genuinely is fine. I'll never be a Top100, or if I ever am it will not be as a result of special effort on my part. And for this blasé attitude I am cheerful, because any pressure I put on myself is bad news.I'm in no place to cope with stress and competition as I'm still on my medication, so it's great to be ce la vie, and I hope those who are struggling with their blogging can reach a similar sense of peace :)

Finally, this happened a few weeks ago but my secondary school best bud and I are back in contact after 17 years. Good old Facebook was to blame, and it was truly a joy to see her friend request pop up.  I have no idea why we fell out when we were 16, probably something totally stupid and trivial, but it's great to be back in touch - and even better, we don't live that far apart, both having moved to the Midlands for love :)

Right, that'll do. I'm all cheered out for another week now. Now go and see what everyone else has got to be cheerful about over at Mich's. It's the R2BC anniversary y'know...
Mummy from the heart